Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Randomize
