I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
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