i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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