i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
you win again, gameday.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
