My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I supernannyed him into submission
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
