On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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