I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
