whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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