Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize
