i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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