I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
