Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
