Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
