I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
