The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
even my farts smell like vagina
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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