Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Randomize
