This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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