She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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