Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
The dick lei will go down in squad history
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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