my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
He literally asked permission to hit on me
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
