Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
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