is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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