No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Randomize
