The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
