So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
