Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
