At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
