today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
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