you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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