I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
