Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
