I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
