I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
