I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
