Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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