dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Randomize
