you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
