i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
