dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Rumble strips road head = magical
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
