I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Houston, we have a blender
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
