I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
