My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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