Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
We had sex on a dog bed..
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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