Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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