Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
