I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Randomize
