I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
