We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
