tell your sister to shave her snatch
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
