i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
