Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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