it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Ladies don't puke and tell
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
