i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
