Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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