Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
