Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Randomize
