I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
