When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Randomize
