next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
Randomize
