i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
